Idaho Falls will always be a place of darkness in my heart.
My Bear had trouble sleeping that night and when at 3 am I pulled him to me and asked him what was wrong, he told me not to fret and hugged me and told me to go back to sleep. We both were awake for awhile while he tossed and turned…
When we woke up that morning he said he was feeling better. We cuddled in bed for a while enjoying each others company and giggling a bit as he tried to warm his feet on my legs. Finally he swatted my bum and told me ‘Go shower Woman!’.
I was sitting at the dressing table, putting on my make up when he came out of his shower and stood for a moment. I turned to him, ‘What’s the matter Bear?’ He shook his head ‘I don’t feel well’.
On May 5th Warren Allen McLeod, my Bear, suddenly ended his journey in Idaho Falls.
I hold the love of this dear man tight in my heart. He was the best travelling companion and was never more happy than when we were holding hands and driving to our next adventure. The little travelling rituals: putting on our sunglasses; making sure there were drinks in the Refreshment Boots; him taking my hand and saying ‘We cats are ready to go’ – these are imbedded in my memories. And always, the radio tuned to his favourite Country and Western station. There was never a day when he didn’t tell me how much he loved me.
The last 5 weeks? That was just our season. We ran together like two happy dogs and explored everything that caught our noses. And he has been spared the slow inevitable death that diabetes brings. So although it devastates my heart, it is the best end for our run.
I learned so much from this kind and gentle man. And my heart is more full of love for him now than it has been for the last 13 years. Our time together was meant to be and I know that of all of it, the last 5 weeks were the happiest I have ever seen him.
Soon the acute phase of grief will pass. This first week was the hardest. Then it will be the first month. The first year. And soon he will be the smile on my face and the courage in my step. My life will be better having known him, but first I need to find my way out from under this tsunami of grief.
I’ve added a slideshow of Warren and a song by Alison Krauss that speaks to my heart. Warren wasn’t a religious man, but I know he will appreciate the sentiment of the song.
I miss you my Bear. Safe travels on your long journey.