compulsive behaviour embraced.

another relocated blog…

When I am at work there is frequently this little voice in the back of my head saying “If I were at home right now I could…” and then when I have an extra day off, because I’m not used to having free time I find myself cleaning.. just cleaning. and that’s boring. Why is it that I am never happy where I am doing what I am doing? So this morning I thought – ok, I’ll clean the kitchen, finish the laundry, change from my giant messy purse to my little efficient purse, sweep the living room (hardwood is not all it’s cracked up to be I tell you..)… and damnit I’m cleaning again. So I marched myself out to my rock garden – looks good but a few small weeds creeping in.. so I get down on my hands and knees and pull the little weeds out. there are also some stray long grasses around the rocks so I move the rocks and dig up the grasses.. and damnit! Now I’m cleaning outside!

I get up and relocate to the garden swing. I sit swinging slowly and looking about.. raspberries are looking ripe. go in the house and get a plastic container. Go back out and pick raspberries.. beautiful red raspberries, smelling wonderful in the sunshine. I realize that the canes are getting overgrown – some of the third year canes are not fruit bearing this year so perhaps I should trim those back.. go get my hand pruners and gardening gloves. Clip the old canes at the base, throw them out onto the grass. when I’ve worked my way through I go back, haul the canes to the compost pile… pick up the container of raspberries – and it hits me : Damnit! I’m cleaning up the raspberry garden!! what the hell is wrong with me? why is everything I do tidying? It doesn’t seem to get me anywhere – the house is NEVER clean… what the hell! what has happened to my life???

So back to the porch I go. Maybe I need to reflect on things. I sit on the top step looking at my rock garden. Notice that the solar light isn’t straight. Get up to fix it… look at the solar lights in the other gardens.. they need to be adjusted as well.. Damnit! I”m tidying up the solar lights now!!!

Finally i go out to the barn. Lucy the donkey greets me – she’s always on the lookout for a carrot or an apple. this time I recognize the behaviour before it even starts. With a resigned sigh I grab the donkey’s shedding blade and a lead and tie her up to the fence. No point in trying to stop myself: I begin tidying up the donkey.

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Sandy Kenyon

It has been a chaotic and heartbreaking year. But I'm climbing back out of this chaos, bent on carving a new path using all the things I have learned. Stay tuned for new stories :) I hope you enjoy what you read!

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